How am I resisting feeling good?

I have been thinking more about this topic of feeling good as I have been healing from Lyme Disease with Bee Venom Therapy.

I am at this weird point in my healing where I am starting to finally find relief but I am feeling tied to my old pain body.

For anyone that is reading this that has dealt with chronic pain and/or a chronic illness you know firsthand how this feels.

What I think is the hardest right now not being attached to what my healing process looks like.

The hardest thing for me as I am starting to get a handle on my pain and healing is to release the control around it.

I know this comes from years of needing to control my pain.

Needing to be one step ahead of everyone around me so that I didn’t look like the “odd” person because I couldn’t keep up.

When you are in a constant state of panic and stress because you need to stay one step ahead of everyone else in order to “seem” like everything is okay, it becomes exhausting.

Now that I have gotten a taste of what life feels like in my body when I don’t have chronic pain it makes the times when it comes back that much harder.

I was on a walk the other day when I had this revelation that my body knows how this feels. My body knows what it feels like to not be in pain, but my mind and my soul need remembering.

It might sound crazy but because I have had to learn how to navigate and cope with pain it is a interesting place to be in when you don’t have to keep tabs on yourself.

When you don’t have to be your own caregiver and you can just be fully present in your body.

Not trying to escape it.

Not trying to hide from it.

Not trying to outsmart it.

But being fully present.

I know that this is also where the healing from trauma comes into play.

If I didn’t learn how to do the work and understand which trauma healing modalities work for me, I would be stuck at this point.

I would not know where to turn.

If you are feeling that way right now I see you.

Doing the work is hard.

But acknowledging that you need to do the work is the first step to instrumental change.