Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes.

Last night as I was falling asleep I thought about a message that I had received earlier in the week. I got a DM form a client that used to take my barre class. She said “ Ali, I got to tell you something,I have that quote that you would always say in your class written on my bulletin board at work, it’s been years and I never erase it.” 

The mantras that I would say in my class were things that I would say to myself.

They were the words that I repeat in my mind when I need motivation or when things get hard.

You see I’m a 2 on the enneagram and if you know anything about 2’s they are called “the helper'“ for good reason.

By nature 2’s love to hype up and support others to become the very best versions of themselves, but what 2’s have a very hard time listening to their own needs.

There are many theories as to why 2’s do not want to nurture themselves.

For me, turning inward was something that came fairly natural to me, what was hard was expressing my needs.

It took time and years to learn how to build and train that muscle that I didn’t have.

I remember the first thing that I started doing to help me put my inner words into the outside world was I would write down my inner voice on my mirror. These were one line pep talks would typically stay in my head but I challenged myself to write them down for me to see.

At first when I started writing down mantras on my mirror and repeating them out loud it felt cheesy. I would say things to myself like “who does this”, “what’s wrong with me”, “why do I need so many affirmations”.

Overtime I realized that there was NOTHING wrong with me, I was finally allowing my needs to be seen and it was uncomfortable.

It was uncomfortable for me because it was new to share my affirmations out loud.

I would shower other people with love and affirmations but the second that someone would do it back to me I would get uncomfortable and dismiss what they had to say.

What became of this was that I became more comfortable speaking my needs out loud instead of keeping them in my head and only supporting other people. I learned how to become my own hype woman.

I think we are conditioned to believe there is something wrong with our needs. That being “needy” is seen as being weak, emotional, etc.

Over the years I have learned that expressing your needs, wants or truths is not bad it is allowing you to step into your true.

This is allowing you to be the person you were before the world got ahold of you.

True freedom comes from when you allow yourself to go deep. To look at those dark places inside of you and come to terms with what they are saying about you and your needs.

Darkness is created because there is a lack of light.

It is up to you to bring your dark moments into the light and allow them to be seen by you.

It is up to you to allow yourself to understand what your needs and wants are and finding your way through your dark points will allow you to do that.

So if you are doing the same patterns and repeating the same actions and trying to get a different result I hate to tell you this but it will not change.

This is a hard pill to swallow, trust me I get it. I have been there and I still go there but I want you to know that you are doing the absolute best you can. Promise, mean it.

Xo,

Ali Lynn Kates

Personal Healing Specialist